MOVIE DIARY 2018: I THINK THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR SUIT. THERE’S A DEAD GUY IN IT.

I’m going to try to keep track of the movies that I watch this year by writing about some of them. Hopefully I’ll be able to make this a regular thing, but no promises. Here’s what I’ve seen since the new year.

Jurassic Park (1993)

You can’t go wrong with this movie, it’s perfect fun, scientifically designed to make you feel like a child who hasn’t developed faculties for criticism beyond making a face at the foods you don’t like. Every character has a moment, the dinosaurs are awesome and powerful and real, that kitchen scene STILL. FUCKING. BANGS. 

Sidenote: If you have someone in your life who loudly goes on about how dinosaurs actually had feathers and says shit like the T-Rex was actually never that big and more of a scavenger and not an angel of death sent down from a reptile faced god, cut them out of your life. It is a toxic relationship and this is a new year. Leave that in the past and learn to love again, baby!

Edge of Tomorrow / Live Die Repeat (2014)

A total blast that could’ve been cut down by like fifteen minutes or so, but whatever, because this is one of the few Tom Cruise movies where we get to see the typically hyper-capable MOVIE STAR Tom Cruise get pushed around like a total scrub. When’s the last time that’s happened? I’m almost 100% certain that this is the only one of his movies in the 21st century where this has happened. Shoutout to Doug Liman for convincing Tom Cruise to take down his walls, if only for like half an hour.

Zodiac (2007)

*person who makes a big deal about liking whiskey as if it were a trait unique to them voice* I’m typically not a big fan of very long movies. I feel like if you’re going over two hours you better have a pretty good reason beyond making your epic story feel like assigned reading the summer before senior year of high school. That being said, Zodiac is a long movie that I love because the length of it works to make you feel exhausted by the obsessive, years-long investigation. By the end of it you’re as desperate for an answer as Jake Gyllenhaal is screaming and pleading for Clea DuVall to confirm his guess and to tell him he’s right so that he can finally let go of all of this. Honestly who among us hasn’t felt this way, coming undone and screaming for validation from a stranger about your obsessively studied worldview? Follow me on twitter at @geofflapid.

The Trip to Spain (2017)

What an incredible grift Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon have concocted, creating this series of movies where they travel around scenic locales while they eat gourmet foods and dick around, doing impressions of of dignified stars of screen and stage while lightly jabbing at each other. I hope this doesn’t come off as a slight against what I’m sure is a tremendous amount of work that goes into making these movies, because I think it’s really wonderful how natural and effortless they make it seem. These two are a genuine comedy duo, and it’s exciting to watch them work together, pushing each other forward. As aimless as these movies sometimes seem, I think what Coogan, Brydon, et al have created is a clear portrait of that very particular kind of close relationship that’s always tipping back and forth between friendship and rivalry. Except funnier and way more British.

Step Brothers (2008)

I can’t think of any other movie that so perfectly captures the vibe of being a twelve year old boy and hyped up on caffeine with your best friend after bedtime. The scene where John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell are excitedly running up and down the stairs while they’re getting up to whatever bullshit alone makes this an instant classic, but then you also get hilarious work from literally everyone else in this movie, which turns it into a beautiful gift that transcends the usual, over-long Apatow productions where the underlying joke is that men love each other.