MOVIE DIARY 2023: FUCK YOU MARS.
First off just a quick thank you for all the positive response to MOVIE DIARY 2023 launching last week! It’s nice to be back doing this, and I’ve started lining up some really cool special guests to contribute this year. This is easily going to be the biggest MOVIE DIARY since MOVIE DIARY 2018. I have a good feeling about this!
No guests this week, I’m doing it solo for now while I get the schedule figured out. The idea of doing it once a month is out the window, that won’t work. Weekly-ish posts worked last time, so I’ll try to aim for that again. I think I’m still going to focus it on my first watches though. I also realized my original plan of just transcribing some short notes from my little notebook won’t cut it, especially if I’m bringing in a bunch of cool people to blog on here, so I’m gonna try to go a little longer on each movie than I did with the last post. I can’t embarrass myself in front of talented and insightful special guests!
The Martian (2015) - dir. Ridley Scott
I avoided this movie for so long because I tried reading the book a while ago and I found it kind of insufferable, but the movie is definitely more tolerable than that. I think Matt Damon does a great job of conveying the sort of relentless, (borderline annoying) positivity that you would need to mentally make it through this uniquely extreme situation (being a vlogger), but weirdly this situation never seems to be high stakes or that stressful. Here’s how the movie works: There’s a problem. Someone explains how big of a problem it is. Then some science and perseverance happens, another big time actor comes on as another NASA guy, and eventually we’re good. Repeat for two and a half hours. It just never feels like our guy is in any real danger, which is weird because dying alone in space and only being able to eat potatoes that you grew out of your own shit is terrifying, right?
The movie spends a lot of time focusing on the problem-solving and navigating all the crises that one would encounter while stranded on Mars. Obviously Watney (Damon) can capably handle those, but I think what actually works best is those moments where Watney pauses for a moment and has to deal with the reality that he is alone up there. There are these very brief moments of doubt or loneliness or sadness that creep onto Watney’s face before he shoves that aside and perseveres, a nicely understated way of depicting that idea of maintaining positivity/hope/faith in the face of something insurmountable.
I think the most interesting part of this was the bits where they focus on the crew that left Watney behind on Mars. It’s tense, dramatic stuff that I wish could have extended to the rest of the movie, and it’s an opportunity to let the rest of the cast do something other than crisis control. We get to see pain and regret, which helps the usual “triumph of the indomitable human spirit” hit a little harder. (It’s at this point where I must pause and take a step back and acknowledge that essentially I’m saying, “You know what could have made me enjoy this positive, uplifting message more? If it were more of a bummer,” and for that I am sorry.)
The rest of it isn’t bad, it’s just that most of it is extremely STEM-pilled, and all the extensive botany stuff just sort of goes in one ear and out the other for me. I just hear Watney talking about doing the math on how many potatoes he needs to grow or whatever, and I’m just like, nodding along without really understanding how any of it works, and honestly it’s not important how it works. It’s just not. Unless you’re one of those dorks who goes to movies who gets off on identifying “plot holes.” (Neil deGrasse Tyson-ass movie goers. Ol’ Cinemasins lookin’-ass boy.) The way I see it, our dude is a botanist astronaut on Mars— I must trust he knows what he’s talking about because I am neither a botanist nor an astronaut on Mars, so I’m just gonna wait to see if whatever this is works or not (it does).
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022) - dir. Taika Waititi
What if I told you there was a Thor movie where he’s doing a bunch of space viking shit and it’s going for a van mural aesthetic with a hair metal soundtrack? Sounds pretty sick, right? WELL IT’S NOT.
I know, I know. Marvel movies largely suck ass, they’re killing cinema, etc. etc., I get it and I agree. But look man I don’t know what to tell you… I like Thor. I’ll watch a Thor movie, even if it’s bad. Even if it’s acting as another hand on the throat of cinema. I’m unfortunately not above it.
There were a couple of laughs in this, but it’s hobbled by some strikingly bad performances from the main cast. Everyone’s just sort of insincerely doing bits at each other til the next CGI fight (also bad); the whole thing just has the look and feel of a parody of these sorts of movies. I think the lone exception is Christian Bale, he’s doing great work with what he’s got. He gets to do a lot of fun villain shit— scowling and moody, mocking and cruel, and a lot of enjoyable scenery-chewing. He’s got the best part in this, the bit where he’s teasing a bunch of kids he’s kidnapped by putting on this fucked up, violent puppet show. That got a real laugh out of me, moreso than any of the cell phone commercial-level riffing. Do you remember that period of time when Blake Griffin got into improv and was like hanging with the comedy community? It kind of feels like that. Oh you know what, Russell Crowe was fun, I liked what he was doing (Sidenote: Is it racist to do a Greek accent?).
Actually I think maybe a way this movie could have been improved is if it looked cheaper? Maybe not cheaper, but maybe cheaper in a different way? I don’t know, that CGI sheen where it makes everything look like you’re watching the movie with motion smoothing on at your Dad’s house is just never going to be charming to me. The shadow creature things on that little moon were cool, and I think it’s because they had a little bit of a stop motion vibe to them. At the end of the day I just want something that looks like people built it with their hands. I guess maybe that’s not actually cheaper, whoops.
Infinity Pool (2023) - dir. Brandon Cronenberg
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
I was a little hesitant about this one because I thought Brandon Cronenberg’s previous movie, Possessor (2020) was kind of exhausting, but I rolled out for it last night, and I ended up being pretty into this one. Possessor just had this sort of sophomoric attitude, trying really hard to be clever, and that just kind of turned me off of it. Infinity Pool, though, has a different shitty childishness about it, which I’m into. It seems like it’s not as concerned with being clever, and more interested in being mean-spirited, which really works well for the story.
I think Infinity Pool at its most tiresome moments is a pretty clumsy social commentary, but there’s enough style and bratty viciousness to keep it entertaining throughout. I liked the back half a bit more than the front, when it moves from an obvious satire about rich assholes on vacation to a reflection on the savage nature of man. Granted, the whole “confronting the dark heart of the self/humanity” thing is kind of tired, sure, but it’s wrapped up in this sort of juvenile structure of falling in with the wrong crowd of bullies, which gives it this weird incongruity that I had a lot of fun with. This is where Alexander Skarsgård and Mia Goth really get to shine as they both get to play to type. It’s an easy layup for both of them. Skarsgård excels at playing an easily manipulated hunk with no sense of conviction that reads as a humiliation kink (we gotta get this man in a Ruben Östlund movie!), and Goth can be one of our generation’s greatest unhinged psychos in her sleep. The way they play off of each other is very tense, and it crescendos in such a satisfying and awful way.
I just gotta respect a movie that aims for the perverse these days, and Infinity Pool does it pretty capably. Not perfectly (someone needs to tell Brandon Cronenberg that drug hallucinations are really not as fun or interesting as he seems to think they are), but it’s got enough that works, and the parts that are clumsy or childish are weird enough to make it unsettling and interesting. It works.
I didn’t have any rewatches this week, so no dumb list about hot people in rewatches this time, but I do like that bit and I’ll do it again or maybe I’ll come up with something else that’s fun. We’ll see what happens! For now, here’s a “film” tweet:
Oh wait one more thing! I started a Discord for MOVIE DIARY 2023 to act as a sort of comments section/message board thing for this blog. Join up if you want!