MOVIE DIARY 2023: TO KNOW DEATH, OTTO, YOU MUST FUCK LIFE IN THE GALLBLADDER!
Ok sorry, it’s been a while! I didn’t mean to, but I took a little break. Not from watching movies, I still did that. I just didn’t write about them and then post about them on my beloved blog MOVIE DIARY 2023. Rest assured, it ate at me with every passing day. But now I’m back, and this time I’ve got my good pal and filmmaker Caroline Symons joining the MOVIE DIARY 2023 team! You’ll love it, and then you’ll forgive me.
Joe Dirt (2001) - dir. Dennie Gordon
SPECIAL GUEST WRITER: CAROLINE SYMONS
Do you remember Joe Dirt? It’s ok if you don’t. It hasn’t been meme-ified, it’s no longer a mainstay of Comedy Central daytime TV programming, and you might not get broadcast channels, where David Spade currently hosts a game show on Fox (good—and I mean this—for him). I think about Joe Dirt at least once a month because my best friend in middle school, Maggie, inexplicably had a copy of the DVD at her house. And from about 2000-2004, Maggie and I had a sleepover every Friday night.
I can say with confidence that we are the only people in the world who have seen Joe Dirt but have not seen Tommy Boy.
Do you want to know the plot? You don’t have to. Like Three Colors: Red (1994), this is not really a “plot movie.” It’s more of a vehicle for different wigs. David Spade plays Joe Dirt, a supremely fish-out-of-water, backwoods southerner with a mullet living in Hollywood and working as a janitor at a shock-jock radio station (Howard Stern’s hold on the culture at the time cannot be overstated). When the radio staff catches sight of him one day, they invite him on air to tell his life story. We learn through Joe Dirt’s own words about how he was separated from his family at the Grand Canyon as a child and has spent his whole life looking for them, along the way meeting a wild variety of characters who have swindled, captured, aided, and fucked him with absurd intensity.
Is it like The Odyssey, you—who like me went to liberal arts college—ask? Not really. But Joe Dirt really does play like a lowest common denominator version of O Brother Where Art Thou (2000), with more jokes about balls and boners and an in-the-know dedication to the of the less artful yet essential details of rural southern culture (an incomplete list of references that went over my head at age 10: snuff, referring to Chrysler-made v8 engines as “hemis,” state fairs and carines, Christopher Walken’s whole thing…which in and of itself isn’t southern but making a huge joke about him as a janitor at a Louisiana high school where he insists he’s from “Kansas” does play into it).
What it really is is sketch comedy. It’s a Happy Madison production in 2001, after all. But it’s not cashing in on IP. Joe Dirt was not a character on SNL. David Spade had not been on the show in five years. There is only one other SNL alumni in the cast—Dennis Miller, as the shock jock, who I am not required to talk about—so you don’t have the core-cast feel of an Above Average production nowadays. But it is a sketch showcase.
Joe Dirt is decentralized filmmaking. A choose-your-own-wig adventure for every cast member where the script consists of sit-com scenarios of whatever interested the writers during the random month in which they churned this out. There is an extended bit about Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs (1991) (a movie that had come out, at this point, 10 years prior), which really is something I would do if given free rein in a writers room. There’s little cohesion and seemingly no pressure. Joe Dirt is a movie, like so many of its time, that felt like it was made by people whose employment felt assured.
Let me be clear—I love this. This is how a movie should be made, and it’s full of stuff I love. Joe Dirt’s shitty car with a footprint gas pedal is iconic to me. Flirting with the girl at the tilt-a-whirl is so funny. The Christopher Walken character is hysterical. The “snakes and sparklers” monologue has come up every summer of my life. “Don’t try and church it up boy,” is a thing I will yell. The soundtrack is wall-to-wall classic dad rock bangers, and I can’t imagine how they afforded it. This movie has made me a more annoying and happier person.
Joe Dirt’s pastiche nature and (seemingly) assured funding means that everyone can show up and do what they want, which engenders a specific style. The ease and stability of a benefactor creates a space for creativity to flourish. What I am trying to say is someone should give me $700k to make my movie.
Joe Dirt is not streaming with a subscription anywhere but you can rent the DVD from the LA Public Library because I just returned their copy.
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Caroline Symons is a filmmaker living in Los Angeles who misses Richmond, Virginia. Her short film, The Jennifer Meyers Story, premiered at the Atlanta Film Festival and is playing in Los Angeles at American Cinematheque’s PROOF festival this Saturday, Oct 21. You can get tickets here.
Flesh For Frankenstein (1973) - dir. Paul Morrissey
OH FUCK. My jaw was on the floor for most of this movie, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! I loved it. I’ve probably said it before on this blog somewhere, but I think at the end of the day all I really want out of a movie is to see something really fucked up and/or moving, and Flesh For Frankenstein delivers plenty in the fucked up department. To see something so deeply perverse, violent, and horny? THAT’S CINEMA BABY! Whenever AMC does another one of those Nicole Kidman ads before the movie, they should have her watching Flesh For Frankenstein, her perfectly glam’d movie star face going back and forth between recoiling in horror and becoming completely slack jawed in astonishment (this would also be a good “Stars! They’re just like us!” sort of situation). “We come to this place to see something super fucked up and weird…” Easy!
It’s not really an adaptation of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, but more its own thing that uses the idea of a man playing god as a starting point, and it builds on that with bloody violence and a lot of sex (one might even interpret the visceral sex and violence as a type of… flesh… for Frankenstein…?). Beloved sinister weirdo character actor Udo Kier plays Baron Frankenstein, and along with his creepy assistant Otto (Arno Juerging), he’s working to create a boy Frankenstein and a girl Frankenstein who will fuck each other and create a new master race of Frankenstein Serbians who will obey his every command, making him a Serbian God, not unlike a little girl making her Barbies kiss. The plan hits a snag when they kill the wrong guy and take his head to use as the head for the boy Frankenstein. The Baron wants the head of someone virile and horny for his boy Frankenstein creation so that the boy Frankenstein can fuck a lot and have a bunch of Frankenstein babies with the girl Frankenstein. What he ends up with is the virile horny guy’s sullen virgin best friend, who is also staying celibate so that he can join up with a group of monks. With this guy’s volcel head screwed on, boy Frankenstein just is not interested in fucking—he instead prefers being contemplative and dwelling on the peculiar type of existential crisis that I’m sure anyone would be going through if they woke up in a grimy lab with their head sewn on to a body they didn’t recognize. He was made for procreation, but all he can think of is how he shouldn’t be alive like this, how he should be dead.
Life and death and sex and violence are all intertwined in Flesh For Frankenstein. The Baron has taken his sister for a wife, and they have two creepy children, a boy and a girl, who skulk around the Frankenstein castle, spying on the comings and goings of their parents and their guests. Because the Baron is obsessed with his experiments, he’s not really around for his kids (also he sort of resents them anyway), and he’s definitely not around for his wife who, as a reminder, is also his sister. For the Baron, regular old sex just won’t cut it. He’s into the real freaky stuff: getting himself off while fondling the internal organs of his cadavers and getting blood EVERYWHERE. It’s grotesque. Death and the prospect of turning it into new life that he can control is what drives the Baron, and Udo Kier brings a perfect balance of intensity and humor to this role. Kier brings a palpable sense of contempt to this version of Frankenstein, and I think it’s a lot of fun. Anything that is not related to his experiments becomes a burden to him, and he will shout about it like a fussy little bitch every time.
As much as I love Udo Kiers’ Baron Frankenstein, the MVP of this movie for me had to be our chad stable boy, Nicholas (Joe Dallesandro). Dallesandro’s Nicholas moves confidently through the film, slacking at his job and sucking and fucking as it pleases him. He is a man who is driven not by a violent obsession, but by his zest for life. He’s your classic handsome street-wise rogue-type, and best of all he also inexplicably has this heavy New York accent while everyone else uses various European accents (I’m assuming this was the type of movie where director Paul Morrissey or producer Andy Warhol just told everyone to talk how they talk?). He sort of reminds of Buddy Duress in Good Time (2017)—a truly charismatic and magnetic force that bends the gravity of the movie toward him.
Nicholas is the counterpoint to the Baron’s insatiable thirst for control over death. Where the Baron seems disgusted by sex with a living human who’s not his sister (and even then he’d rather be in his lab jacking off to internal organs), Nicholas is living his life to the fullest by fucking almost every woman we see him with, including the Baron’s sister. There’s also this sort of sleazy power dynamic at play since the Baron’s sister is also his boss, and she’s basically decided to just keep him around to fuck him, but Nicholas doesn’t seem to mind all that much. Whenever she starts to get a bit too controlling, Nicholas likes to remind her (and himself) that he can simply walk away from the castle whenever he wants. He really can, but he stays once he sees the head of his murdered best friend walking around on a body that isn’t his own.
One thing that I really found interesting, if not a little obvious, was Nicholas’ relationship with his friend Sacha. Again, Nicholas acts as a counterpoint, this time to Sacha’s indifference toward life. The Baron and Otto work towards a life after death in defiance of God, Nicholas appreciates life and does all he can to live his own life to its fullest, but Sacha is different. Sacha did not seem to have any real leanings about life one way or the other while he was alive. The worldly pleasures that Nicholas so happily sought out—good food and drink, DTF women, being a vagabond on the open road of life—meant very little to Sacha. At one point Nicholas asks Sacha if he’s considered that if he does join up with the monastery, he will only be able to have bread and water for the rest of his life. Sacha responds by telling him that that doesn’t really bother him at all. Later, Sacha is completely bored when Nicholas takes him to a local brothel, totally uninterested in fucking, but sort of going along with the bare minimum of motions of it. Worldly desires just aren’t for Sacha, but at least he’s a good sport about it I guess.
However, after he is murdered and his head is transplanted onto the boy Frankenstein body, Nicholas’ attitude shifts. Now as a boy Frankenstein, he still has no interest in sex, but it feels different than before. There’s this demented scene where the Baron is screaming at the girl Frankenstein, ordering her to “KISS HIM! KISS HIM” over and over, in an attempt to make Sacha/boy Frankenstein horny enough to fuck her (Otto removes the bandages from Frankenstein Sacha’s crotch to check on his progress), but Frankenstein Sacha remains motionless, making the Baron realize that his experiment has failed and he and Otto need to figure something else out. Later this non interest in sex leads to him killing the Baron’s wife while she tries to fuck him in order to make her husband/brother jealous and upset. He was indifferent to sex when he was alive, and now he would rather kill somebody than have sex in this new form. In fact, the only thing Sacha does want in his Frankenstein body is the release of death. Nicholas, ever the advocate for simply being alive and enjoying yourself, tries to convince Sacha to escape and start a new life, but Sacha reminds him that this Frankenstein body is unnatural and that the actual human Sacha that Nicholas knew died when he got his head chopped off by the Baron (it was so bloody, so gross, Udo Kier just kind of comes at his neck with giant gardening shear-looking things). Rather than help Nicholas in his escape, Sacha instead opts to kill himself by ripping out his own guts, literally leaving Nicholas hanging (he’s been tied up and is hanging from the ceiling while everyone else starts killing each other in increasingly gruesome fashion). He’s left at the mercy of the only other characters left alive, the Baron’s freaky incest children who love to play with scalpels and who don’t seem to understand the difference between life and death. Wuh oh! How’s ol’ Nick gonna get out of this one?? Will all life eventually succumb to violent chaos?? If death can be conquered, is life even “worth it” anymore?? If you’re already dead, what happens if you die?? Much to think about.
I’VE BEEN AWAY SO IT’S TIME FOR A LIGHTING ROUND, BABY!
The Faculty (1998) - dir. Robert Rodriguez
Just a solid high school horror movie, and it’s so nice to see both the high school drama and horror genres done well. I’m sure it was pitched as a Breakfast Club meets Invasion of the Body Snatchers kind of mashup, and it does hit the beats of both of those movies in a very satisfying way. I love the scene where they all have to do drugs together to prove to each other that they aren’t aliens, a really fun homage to The Thing, and you can tell that Rodriguez is having a blast as he loudly broadcasts his tributes to his heroes and predecessors.
Peggy Sue Got Married (1986) - dir. Francis Ford Coppola
A totally weird movie from top to bottom. Not really sure what compelled Coppola to do this one, and I’m not really sure it worked, but ultimately I thought it was kind of sweet if not a bit mixed up in what it’s trying to say. A weird mish-mash of actors topped off with one of the more strange Nicolas Cage performances that I feel we don’t talk about so much despite the annoying meme-ification of Nicolas Cage. It’s entertaining, but it was overall kind of a headscratcher for me.
Bottoms (2023) - dir. Emma Seligman
Fran wrote about this one a couple of weeks ago, so you should read that if you haven’t yet. I think I walked away liking this one a bit better than Fran did, but I still think Fran is right about everything she said about this movie. I don’t know, maybe it just didn’t bother me as much in the moment? Whatever the case and however you feel about this movie, I hope we can all agree that Marshawn Lynch needs to be in more movies. I love that guy!
Theater Camp (2023) - dir. Molly Gordon, Nick Lieberman
Pretty cute and a few genuinely sweet moments. It’s an ensemble but the actual focus was more on Molly Gordon and Ben Platt’s characters. I was disappointed there wasn’t more Ayo Edibiri in it, but the bits she was in were very funny. Unfortunately I have to admit that I thought Ben Platt was pretty funny here, which is tough for me, but you know what, I’ve realized that ultimately I have a hard time supporting a movie that so specifically caters to theater kids and that’s my own problem.
The Unbelievable Truth (1989) - dir. Hal Hartley
I thought it was a really interesting examination of the sometimes transactional nature of relationships. There’s this very bizarre, but fascinating cadence to the dialogue in this movie, almost as if the actors are running through their lines with off screen scene partners. It makes the world feel close to unreal, sort of dreamlike. Or maybe less in a dreamlike way and more in a you got hit in the head and you’re just trying to keep up with the world around you kind of way.
Gaslight (1944) - dir. George Cukor
Really great! Very compelling mystery as to what this guy is really up to. Charles Boyers plays it so well. I got absolutely riled up every time he was lying and manipulating, especially when he was gaslighting! Ingrid Bergman is spectacular. Watching her unravel is heartbreaking, but it feels very triumphant when she finally figures it out and Joseph Cotton confirms her suspicions. The annoying nosy neighbor seems like a predecessor to today’s annoying true crime podcast obsessive. I guess they had those back then too.
The Plot Against Harry (1969) - dir. Michael Roemer
A movie that really grew on me and won me over by the end. It takes about half of the movie to get attuned to its rhythm, but once you’re in it, it’s really funny and sort of bizarre. The strangeness of it comes partly from all the off beat locations and events where things take place—an obedience school for dogs, a lingerie fashion show, a couple weddings and Bar Mitzvahs—and it also comes from the actors. Everyone has such a distinct face from the past, and it feels like a real relic from a disappearing New York City.
Sideways (2004) - dir. Alexander Payne
I saw this in a hotel room with my longtime pal Brett while we were both drunk and wearing the hotel provided robes, which is maybe the ideal way to watch this movie? Pretty good, and kind of a dense character study. I was surprised by how great Thomas Haden Church is in this movie—a great performance of a lovable guy who’s at his core just kind of a selfish prick.
Fair Play (2023) - dir. Chloe Domont
A bit too long for what is essentially a finance world* (*ie, worse) version of Indecent Proposal. The descent into psycho behavior and violence could have come on quicker, which probably would have made the conclusion feel less rushed. I just found myself laughing at all the stock market gibberish. Totally meaningless word salad that had me just sort of waiting for the actors to react so that I could figure out if what just happened was good or bad. Like a dog. Or a toddler or a sociopath or something.
The third part of the blog, where I plug the MOVIE DIARY 2023 Discord
If you’re in Los Angeles, I hope you can roll out to see Caroline’s movie, The Jennifer Myers Story, at the American Cinematheque’s PROOF Festival this Saturday! I’ll be there! You can get tickets here.
I’m ashamed to say I’ve fallen behind on the MOVIE DIARY 2023 Discord, but I think it’s still been humming along without me, which is very heartening. Thanks to all the MOVIE DIARY 2023 readers who are choppin’ it up over in the Discord! I promise I will get back in there!
I am fucking pumped for Killers of the Flower Moon (2023)!
That’s sort of all I’ve got. Thanks for reading! Sorry for disappearing for a couple of weeks. I’ll have more blog for you soon!